The Dog’s Bollocks

DOGS AND THEIR BALLS: BFF THANKS TO CANINE BIRTH CONTROL BREAKTHROUGH (PHOTO: CHRIS JOHNSON)

When I got my black and tan hound fixed back in Texas years back the neighbourhood kids started calling him Lamont (which was his name) “flat nuts” (which wasn’t). To be fair it was an accurate nickname. My dog did have flat nuts and I felt awful bad about it. But now there’s an alternative to castration. Canines can get birth control implants instead of going under the knife to tame their inner beast. The contraceptive implant should gain approval in Europe within weeks. If only there was a human version in the pipelines.

In the meantime, if your dog has flat nuts and you feel bad, perhaps you should consider Neuticles, testicular implants for pets. Their website boasts that with Neuticles “it’s like nothing ever changed!” And so far the odd 250,000 owners whose pets carry the kidney bean shaped implants would have to agree.

If you don’t have a flat-nutted dog but want to join in the fun, you can always get some of their merchandise. How about a Neuticle necklace? Yours for only $39!