Stress + Cold = Seriously unwell ape

(PHOTO: Jasper Greek Golangco)

Last month I was writing some stuff for New Scientist about animal societies - their hierarchies, their squabbles, their loves and cooperative labours lost - and how they are kind of like us. It will be published sometime soon, so sorry for the vagueness.

Annnnnnyways. One point that I touched on very briefly was Robert Sapolsky’s pioneering work on the physiological ramifications of living at different rungs on the dominance ladder. Sapolsky, a Stanford University neurophysiologist, worked primarily with baboons in Kenya, showing that the baboon’s social rank can determine how stressed they are - as measured by levels of stress hormones called glucocorticoids, the best know being cortisol.

Exactly who is stressed out (high or low ranking) varies on a number of different things, both between and within speices. For example, different baboon (or gorilla or chimp) troupe leaders have different dominance styles; those who keep their power by constantly physically attacking their underlings are often pretty stressed out. Leaders who govern with just the threat of violence all the time - intimidation - are pretty likely to stress the crap out of their subordinates.

No matter who is stressed out, though, the health effects are the same. Chronic activation of the stress response (which is supposed to kick in only sporadically to help you out of a tight spot..ie the fight or flight reaction), takes a serious toll on the primates’ immune system, can exacerbate heart disease and diabetes and just generally suck.

The human literature has shown similar findings. Very stressful jobs - defined as those that DEMAND a lot but give very little CONTROL - can lead to heart attacks, and then some more heart attacks.

I bet you’re wondering where I am going with all this. Well here you go: I woke up with a dreadful cold on Friday. I am stressed out of my mind at the moment, really deep down existential life crisis kind of stress. And I just don’t seem to be getting any better. I really FEEL like a stressed out primate, panting away under the constant threat of some big bad baboon busting my ass (at least metaphorically). Let’s just cross our fingers and hope that I don’t have a coronary tomorrow.

I think it’s time for a bottle of red wine.

(P.S. Sorry for the self indulgent. Aren’t sick people so selfish, grumpy and boring?)