Number one child

FAMILIES. CAN’T LIVE WITH EM, CANT LIVE WITHOUT EM. (PHOTO: AVALORE)
Families disagree a lot, that’s what makes them fun. They are also unequal, with every family member being treated differently. Whether this is positive or negative rather depends on the family. Much as every parent would wish to be and try to be impartial and fair, it is simply impossible to treat all your children the same. I would lay money on the fact the most oft-spoken sentence in a family with more than one child is "It isn’t FAIR".

I am a younger sibling, and I know for a fact that my older brother thought I got away with murder. He got to stay up late? So did I. He started getting pocket money? So did I. Very unfair. But it was the way that I used to provoke him until he hit me then go crying to mum, who would then of course take my side because I was smaller and a girl, that really broke his spirit and destroyed any faith he ever had in his parents.

Naturally, I just thought I was getting my revenge because he was older and got to do everything first. Naturally, he thought it was yet another example of how much our parents preferred me to him. And there’s the key point. Whatever real or imagined imbalance in the way we were treated, we didn’t agree about it. (We do now, as he still thinks they liked me better and I agree with him. Kidding). According to a study of family dynamics done in Illinois, that disagreement is pretty common. But in the families which communicated the best, any real or imagined imbalance was less of a problem. The moral of the story is that families should talk more, which is always a good idea. Of course the idea of teenaged siblings who communicate well with each other is about as likely as a low-flying pig, so this is a lesson for parents more than children. If you have to treat your children differently, for example with extra time or help, make sure the other kid knows why. It’s basic psychology but it makes so much sense.

PS - If you need a good way to open communication with your family, why not try one of these little gizmos from Popgadget?

Here’s the Eurekalert press release.