I taketh offense….

(PHOTO: ERIK CHARLTON)

So I am all mindin’ my business reading news stories from the major wire services and I catch this report of a woman in Australia who fought off a Great White Shark attack with the paddle from her kayak. And I mean who DOESN’T love a shark attack story? The danger! The intrigue! The beautiful tropical waters!

So YAY! she lived and all is good. That is until I reach this line in the text, which comes practically out of the blue after listing another recent Great White attack:

“Sharks, even Great Whites, are protected in Australia.”

Now you might call me a little over-sensitive on behalf of the sharks (and I should also mention that I was terrified of sharks as a child - even in the pool, I thought they lived under the grates at the bottom of the deep end), but the subtext of that line is....OMG they PROTECT something that EATS PEOPLE, like, A LOT. WTF??????

Fuckers. I mean seriously. We don’t assign conservation status based on whether or not the animals like to chow down on human flesh (ie, whether humans are dumb enough to get in their territory).

Cause if that were the case, then we say SAYONARA to the Bengal Tiger’s endangered status...sorry, you just attack us human folk too much. Lions? Out. Of. Luck. Jaguars, you MUST be joking. I am mean sure, they’re pretty, but why don’t you just get a pelt or something. As for those gorillas...I mean PLEASE..if you poke them with a stick and threaten the females and babies, those things will pound the crap out of you. Better just let them die. 

Great White Sharks are protected because their numbers are dwindling. Just because they ain’t fluffy like a panda does not make them any less worthy of preservation.