From the Dept. of Obscure Food Research

PHOTO: JEAN SCHEIJEN
Exhibit A. Cause what we need in this world are pain-killing pears...NZ scientists discover aspirin keeps pears fresh. Two horticultural scientists from New Zealand have found that dunking pears in salicylic acid, AKA aspirin, keeps them fresh for longer. I just had to share ‘cause well, you never know when you might crave some crisp pristine slices of pear when you have a headache. Uh. That’s it really. FYI.

Exhibit B. If modern science can’t figure out how to make THE perfect bacon sandwich, we might as well go dwell in caves again. So thank god humanity is now enlightened on the subject.

This story is a bit dated, but boy is it timeless. Leeds University researchers have formulated the perfect bacon sandwich. No joke. They spent more than 1,000 hours testing 700 variations of the simple pig/bread combo at the behest of the Danish Bacon and Food Council (DBFC).

To see the equation of all equations for yourself go to the DBFC page here. Here’s the key:

Top of the list according to the bacon boffins, are the two ‘C’s - crispiness and crunchiness. The research revealed that, ideally, the ‘crunching’ sound made when you tuck in to those crispy rashers should measure 0.5 decibels when eaten, and they should break when 0.4 Newtons of force is applied through chewing.

And with those words, it is now decreed that any respectable chef better have a sound level meter perched next to their Kitchenaid.