Have you dudes heard of Conservapedia? You think I jest?

Their tagline is “The Trustworthy Encyclopedia.” Obviously. I mean check out some of th featured sources on the homepage:

“There is no scientific consensus that AGW (Anthropogenic Global Warming) is significant”
“Understanding Intelligent Design”
“Planned Parenthood Website Promotes Porn to Teens”
“National Education Association Pushes Homosexuality in School Booklet”
“Guns Save Lives”

If that isn’t trustworthy news, I don’t know what is. I mean the liberals obviously have a gruesome hold of Wikipedia, the Encyclopedia Brittanica, The Oxford English Dictionary etc. We decent people have to have some where to find decent information. Cause there ain’t no true, just Red and Blue.

(I actually found this site by way of looking for some vaccine-autism stuff wherein I came across this line on their vaccine page: “A concept in vaccine planning is “herd immunity,” whereby humans are equated with chattel.” I could spend all day on this site. But then I might have to kill myself. Or move to Sweden.)

(PHOTO: Ana Schaeffer)
I was flying home from Boston yesterday on a very very full plane. I had the window seat and a large man (6’ 2” and hefty) was unfortunately in the middle seat beside me. He, of course, took the entirety of the armrest, but as the sad middle sod, I was okay with that.  But...his leg...it kept on creeping over the line into my zone. His grimy stranger knee and foot always touching me. I tried to huddle towards the window, keep my knee from touching his...but he kept on encroaching, his legs splayed wider and wider until I was about to snap. I mean SERIOUSLY? DOES THIS PENIS NEED SO MUCH ROOM????

Yes, in a word. In the study of proxemics - essentially personal space - men tend to use more personal space and invade the space of others, most often women. Fuckers. Things like social status and warmth play a role in personal space differences, but the end result is the same: the man was stealing my freakin’ leg room.

(Also, he had both his suitcase and big briefcase in the overhead bins even though the flight was packed and the flight attendants asked everyone to only put one thing in the bins, but now I sound crazy so I’ll stop)

So I watched the first episode of Eli Stone a couple weeks ago, mostly because I had received a press release from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) demanding the show be pulled because it upheld the connection between mercury in vaccines and the development of autism. Which is pretty harsh, if you ask me, but there’s an ugly PR war going on out there and they had to do something. 

I’d be meaning to do this for a while, but I finally went to the CDC site to figure out what vaccinations were required for school and which states allow exemptions on what grounds. Here is a PDF of the rules as of 2005-2006. All states offer exemptions for medical reasons and almost all offer exemptions for religious reasons. The standard of authority is highly variable - private doctor’s note? specialist? pastor? must belong to recognized religion such as the Church of Christ Scientist that has written tenets against vaccines and other medical stuff?

And then we have the 20 states that allow you to opt out for philosophical reasons. Ew. I think the CDC says is best on this point. I don’t think they meant this to be comic, but, well...“Given the increasing number of states allowing philosophical exemptions to vaccines, at some point we are going to be forced to decide whether it is our inalienable right to catch and transmit potentially fatal infections.”

And anyways, Eli Stone totally sucked weenis, physical impossibility not withstanding. That was enough for me. 

SMILE!! IT’S ALL NATURAL

I was just browsing the FDA newsroom site, cause I like to see what’s going on there. I like reading about all the recalls. I also enjoy marveling at the sheer amount of stuff that they approve each day, either drug, devices or medical tests. Anyways.

So I see this Jan 9 press release about bio-identical hormone replacement therapy or BHRT. In case you didn’t know, BHRT is hormone replacement therapy that uses naturally extracted or synthesized female sex hormones that are identical to the ones our bodies naturally produce. They increased in popularity following finding from several massive clinical trials that traditional HRT (synthesized molecules that are slightly different than our “natural” ones) can increase the risk of cardiovascular disease, stroke, blood clots and breast cancer. For a good overview of the science, check out this page from the Canadian Heart and Stroke Foundation. The FDA also has their own little BHRT: Fact and fiction page. It’s fun!

The FDA is basically putting the kibosh on the marketing ploys of certain pharmacies who claim that BHRT can fight Alzheimer’s and cancer. And of course it’s safe! because it is NATURAL. And NATURAL hormones won’t hurt you, because they are so NATURAL and all.

This, my friends, is complete bullshit. Maybe they are safer, maybe they aren’t. That depends on dosing, the compounds used, the individual’s profile and some ACTUAL CLINICAL TRIALS supporting this claim.  Seeing as there aren’t any good studies on BHRT, we just don’t know. This paper, from researchers at the Women’s Integrative Medicine Department, Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine in Arizona suggest that BHRT is likely carries similar risks compared to the evil evil synthetic, patented, vicious criminal Big-Pharma stuff.

Why why WHY do people get sucked into the “natural MUST = safe + good.” I mean check out this study from 2001 that found a whole buncha college-educated women felt that natural hormones were more effective, had fewer or no risks and fewer side effects. Seriously?

I mean RICIN is natural, ain’t it? It’s just all natural bean mush that will slowly and painfully kill you over a couple of days.

I am not an anti-natural medicine nut. I use echinacea. I think home births can be effectively as safe as hospital births for a large percentage of the population. Raw milk is good for you (though it won’t do your taxes or fight Alzheimer’s or anything...and PS...part deux is coming soon, promise). A lot of pharmaceuticals are total crap and the business of conventional medicine is pretty geared towards treating you to within an inch of your life. Yes. Nevertheless, I really really really don’t like seeing the massive proliferation of health care half or untruths. It’s offensive and terrifying. Terrifying because people are BUYING it. Hook, line and bank account.

(PS. I have recently read, on a site that will go unnamed, that the root cause of all cancers, such as colon cancer, is actually unresolved emotional conflict. I shit you not).

Um. Apparently a MoMA exhibit titled the Typosperma project. According to the project’s website:

“The main idea of the ‘Typosperma’ project was to create some sort of new transgenic creatures, half (human) sperm, half letter. These imaginary creatures are cloned sperms, that typographic information has been implanted into their DNA.”

Now it’s not like the sperm are shaped like alphabets (like I envisioned). Instead the sperm have little bits of type (serif I’ll have you know) sticking out of them. One has the distinct curl of the bottom of the letter “y” poking out of its gut. Another has a touch of the letter “s” appearing in its flank.

You know when stuff is weird and you want to share it with people? Like weird food flavors ("Oh my god this tastes so GROSS. Here! Try it!!” sound familiar?) . That’s why I’m telling you about the weird letter sperm. I’m just putting it out there, like PB&J on a sushi menu.

You lucky bastard New York dwellers. You can go check out the work in person at the MoMA come February. I’m thinking it’s perfectly timed for that perfect Valentine’s day date… Nothing says romance and seduction like mutated sperm I tell you. 

(PHOTO: Anna Brett)
It’s a terrible fact of human biology: we love babies. Take, for example, the fact that our brains light up in the happy happy centers when we see a baby face. I mean it’s like totally pre-programmed. Why do you think we like and help baby-faced people? And adore humongous-eyed cartoon characters?

So we all love to look at babies and babyish stuff. Wicked. But what about the ingrained, autonomic response to hearing a baby scream its little purple head off? When I hear a kid start to wail it’s like someone has given an intravenous shot of psychotic angriness. I go nuts. I can’t concentrate, can’t hear anything other than the insufferable squeals (of delight, pain or anything really) emanating from the tot.

And no where is this reaction stronger than on some form of public transportation. Having endured nine hours of air travel with one blond squawker followed by 45 minutes of subway travel with another, I am pretty much done for. I mean drug them, hide them in the bathroom, stuff them in the overhead bins, I don’t care, just keep it away. Or at least have the courtesy to bring it over and let me have look and maybe a snuggle. Or I guess I could finally learn to frickin’ meditate already. Yeah.  Or I could just buy some earplugs. 

I really don’t know why Katie hasn’t blogged about this since she’s the comic genius that sent the precious youtube link my way that made my day.

James Blunt appeared on Sesame Street late August. And just as he started to strum the annoying first notes of “You’re Beautiful” - you know, the ones that make you want to punch his earnest sappy face through the TV screen - he took a hard right turn towards geometry and miraculously landed himself in one of my favorite Sesame Street skits ever. The premise is simple and absurd: Blunt’s upset cause he’s lost his triangle, and he’s so upset he has to put his emotions into song…

This shape was brilliant,
This shape was pure
I saw three angles,
Of that I’m sure…

Anyways, it’s WAY more catchy than the real version of the song where he sings about how “you’re beautiful” instead of his “my triangle, oh triangle, it’s true. I saw your shape in a crowded place, now I don’t know what to do.”

For the kid in all of us, let us toast to how Sesame Street continues to kick ass. It’s always good to see those childhood institutions stay so strong. 

IF THIS REMINDS ME OF YOUR LOVER’S ARMPITS THEN GENE THERAPY MIGHT BE FOR YOU (PHOTO: ANDY STAFINIAK)

If you’ve ever heard that refrain, then you will be glad to know that the pee/vanilla smell paradox has been solved. Hurrah. As usual, it all comes down to your genes.

If you’ve got one mutant version of the odor receptor OR7D4, then the steroid derivative of testosterone known as androstenone will smell sweet like vanilla to you. If you’ve got two of the “normal” odor receptor genes, like 62% of the study population, then you’ll detect the stench of stale urine emanating from his armpits. Or so reported a slew of science news outlets including Scientific American‘s Nikhil Swaminathan.

According to Yoav Gilad, a human genetics prof at the University of Chicago who was involved in the study, this is the first time that genetic differences in olfactory receptor genes are linked to a difference in smell.

That’s all fine and good (yay geneticists!). But what I’d like to know is how on earth this evolved in the first place. I mean how is it that associating manly man smells like androstenone with piss is an evolutionarily winning strategy? How does that increase your survival or reproductive success?? Really.

One idea might be that if a man was more affluent and successful he got to bath a lot so he’d stink less like pee, and attract more women, and so on. But then we really didn’t start regularly bathing until this past century, if even. So that leaves the whole other 129,900 years of our human existence pretty stinky like pee. Oh, and this goes both ways. Women can stink like piss too since androstenone is found in both female and male sweat. What? Why! Why would we go and do that??

Me? I think this whole new mutant odor receptor that makes you smell Betty Crocker instead of rank bar urinals is a great idea. I hope it spreads wide and fast. And I can think of a handful of other noxious odors that would do good to tag onto other mutant odor receptors that tell us we’re sniffing chocolate, cinnamon, nutmeg or cloves instead of say… carrion, stale sour towel smell, funky dish sponge, or jock strap. 

In a remarkable feat of investigative reporting that will probably turn the entire next issue of the New Yorker green with envy, the Washington Post has wrapped up a four-part series outing Cheney as the dark force in the White House. The neutrally titled ”ANGLER: THE CHENEY VICE PRESIDENCY” by Barton Gellman and Jo Becker topped 16 broadsheet pages of 20,000 words.

Lucky for those of us who are behind the curve, it’s all available online, with a handy ”cast of characters” index reminiscent of those in the equally criminally bent Perry Mason novels.

All four sections make for fascinating reading that leave one feeling wide-eyed and naive in the face of such manipulative prowess (this man makes the O.C.’s Julie Cooper look like Mrs. Claus).

So what does this have to do with science? Well the fourth section on environmental policy, Leaving No Tracks uncovers some new nuggets in ”The Republican War on Science” - as coined by Chris Mooney in his aptly titled bestseller. 

But from what I’ve read its less of a war and more of a guerrilla ambush. Witness the controversy over the Klamath river basin in Oregon. Precious and scarce river water could not be diverted to water farmer’s fields in order to protect two endangered species of fish, as per the Endangered Species Act.

The thing to do, Cheney told Smith [former Republican congressman from Oregon who represented said drought-suffering farmers] was to get science on the side of the farmers. And the way to do that was to ask the National Academy of Sciences to scrutinize the work of the federal biologists who wanted to protect the fish.

...Cheney got what he wanted when the science academy delivered a preliminary report finding “no substantial scientific foundation” to justify withholding water from the farmers…

When the lead biologist for the National Marine Fisheries Service team critiqued the science academy’s report in a draft opinion objecting to the plan, the critique was edited out by superiors and his objections were overruled, he said. The biologist, Michael Kelly, who has since quit the federal agency, said in a whistle-blower claim that it was clear to him that “someone at a higher level” had ordered his agency to endorse the proposal regardless of the consequences to the fish.

So the farmers got their way. But not long after some 77,000 Coho and Chinook salmon washed up dead on the banks of the trickling river. The commercial fishery on the West Coast crashed in the following years and Congress doled out $60 million to help fishermen recover their losses. Add to that the $15 million which Congress paid the farmers to stop farming and you’ve got a pricey bill.

Remember Christine Todd Whitman, the EPA’s ex-chief who resigned in 2003 for personal reasons? Turns out “it was Cheney’s insistence on easing air pollution controls” that drove her away. She simply couldn’t sign his energy task force’s rule change, which excused the nation’s dirtiest plants from installing costly new pollution controls

A federal appeals court later deemed that the rule change violated the Clean Air Act.  The administration’s legal rationalizations would only hold up in a “Humpty-Dumpty world,” the judges said. This begs the question, if Cheney operates in a Humpty-Dumpty world, where’s his great fall?