So. Call me spoiled, but I will only eat wild salmon. The farmed stuff just doesn’t look like real food sometimes and it’s so fatty and unflavorful. I’d much rather find a random local fish that has actually been caught from the sea (sustainably, of course).  Living in the UK that kind of means not eating salmon; it’s hard to find the wild stuff and even if you do, it looks like it’s done a few rounds on the plane over from Alaska before landing in the frozen/fresh section. Hermph.

But, see, farmed salmon aren’t just bad-tasting, they are also bad for the wild stocks. A bunch of experts came out today with a statement of how lice from farmed salmon (EW) is killing baby wild salmons as they swim by. This is bad bad bad. A 2005 paper found the juvys had 73 times the number of lice when passing close to a farm compared with other places on their migration route. Furthermore, the farm area had 30,000 times more lice than non-farmy sea water. EWWWWWWW.

Thing is, we are not just talking about what ends up on my plate or how much it’s gonna cost. Spawning salmon are a BEDROCK of the ecology of the forests where they breed and die. Grizzly bears eat them. Their decomposing bodies actually fertilize the whole bloody forest. Loosing this important source of energy would be devastating for the whole ecosystem.

SO. If there was a way to reduce the harm of farmed fish - by raising them in totally closed pens, as opposed to the cheaper open nets most often used, you should do it right? It will reduce the transfer of lice, prevent “spills" of farmed Atlantic salmon into the habitat of native Pacific salmon, keep in the antibiotics, drugs and....did I mention LICE? I mean you’re eating it people…

When I was little I LOVED CORN NUTS. Oh lordy did I love ‘em. I could gorge myself on a bulk bag of Corn Nuts until my head exploded.

But then one day, my evil older brother tried to ruin the beautiful relationship that Corn Nuts and I had built. He told me that if I ate Corn Nuts and then immediately drank water, I would sprout corn plants from my ears. Fucker. I mean Corn Nuts LOOK like the corn seeds my dad planted in the back yard every year and waters with care. It seem, well, plausible enough.

Now, of course, it seems ridiculous. Insane. Totally er, nuts. To think that by just EATING something its genetic material could somehow fuse with mine and produce unexpected Frankenstieanian side effects. I mean seriously.

It seems that Greenpeace has never emerged from their own childhood horror story. For the past forever, they have been campaigning against all kinds of genetically modified foods. As a result of their work, GM foods must be labeled as such on the package. Which is good, so long as the consuming public really understands what there is to fear. Now Greenpeace is zeroing in on livestock fed GM feed crops, as they are not required to be labeled as such under EU regulations.  In fact, the organization submitted a one million strong petition to the EU to change this status quo just a couple weeks ago.

And I guess, well, more upfront labeling is never really a bad thing. But the suggestion implies that merely by eating GM products we, or the livestock, become GM. And you know, it just ain’t so. Just like eating some Corn Nuts won’t turn me corny (har), eating a GM food product will not make you genetically modified. You’ve eat TONNES already, believe me you.

Of course this is nothing new; worries over the movement of transgenes has plagued GM feed for ages. Back in 2000, critics suggested that transgenes could pass from feed to animal via gut bacteria. But after donkeys years, officials have never found trace of this occurrence. Indeed a recent report from the EU found that animals fed GM feed crops had no traces of the DNA or proteins in their meat or eggs or other foody bits.

I am not one to pretend that the big biotech companies are good or kind or invested in the health and well being of anyone beyond their shareholders (I mean Monsanto is now equivalent with PURE EVIL in my head). And, like many a reasonable folk, I have concerns over the environmental impact of growing GMOs. However, the admission, banning or labeling of GM-fed animals should not propagate mis-information about the safety concerns of this *potentially useful, environmentally friendly, plentiful, happy and healthy food.

*"With great power comes great responsibility,” says Spiderman’s aunt. Let’s just say I don’t want Monsanto to save my world.

A while back, I signed up to receive the Health Hazard Alert emails from the Canadian Food Inspection Agency. They alert consumers to specific food products that have things in them, say NUTS, that shouldn’t be there. Of course I was in the deal for the nutty notification (though I would later learn that in most cases of mislabeled nuts there is a mix up of nut types and because I am allergic to ALL OF THEM, it’s never really helped. Plus everything says it has traces of nuts anyways, but that’s another story).

Annnnways. I have to say that these emails are pretty funny. You know, in a scary-funny way. Today I got three emails; one about paralytic shellfish toxin (its slightly less alarming and better known name is red tide) in New Brunswick softshell clams; another was about Botulism toxin in some No Name canned French beans and finally Salmonella in bags of sesame seeds sold around Alberta and in London, Ontario. Good to know, eh?

The only time I was really terrified, however, was about a month back on June 28th when I saw in my Inbox the announcement of the recall of Robert’s American Gourmet Veggie Booty snack food, which had seemingly been tainted with Salmonella. And yes (yes!) I had just eaten an entire bag of the stuff (or maybe two who’s counting? I am addicted).

Obviously, I wasn’t dead or sick or vomiting out my ears, so all was okay. But, see, Veggie Booty - which is like puffed corn, rice, soy all covered with delicious salty veggie powder and has a strange aftertaste of, well nothing - costs about 4$ at my local store. Which for some spinach powered corn pops is a bit much. So all I could think was, how much will it cost to feed my addiction now?

I was pleased as punch to FINALLY buy myself a new bike seat. I’ve practically been cycling on a plank of plywood these past months. It’s a wonder I didn’t develop ass callouses like a monkey.

In anycase, whatever sense of splashing out on my clunking bike and injecting it with vim fast evaporated when I saw Schwinn’s new red hot electric bikes slated to debut this summer.

One battery charge takes less than 4 hours and lasts for 60 miles. Their seamless design doesn’t have any of dorkiness of most electric bikes (take Peter Parker’s ride in the disappointing yet supremely heckle-able Spiderman 3) either. God bless them they’ve even gone to the trouble of making sure a girl can ride in her summery skirt and save herself the perspiration of slugging up hills. All three models come in an optional low step thru frame. Bliss.

VIA MetaEfficient