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Your Health This Week
Try not to plunge your infant head-first into a stinking broth of pathogenic putrefaction. Because children who have more infections in their first year of life are more likely to get leukemia.
For all you sun-worshippers out there, beware. Turns out tanning can be addictive. No, I mean really. Ultraviolet light, with all its melanin-inducing and skin-cancer-causing magics, is physically addictive. Adds an even stronger odor of malrepute to those tanning salons, don’t it?
Prone to bouts of anger, hostility and ill temper? Don’t feel bad, it’s genetic. Won’t save you from the associated death-by-heart-attack, no matter how placated you are, though.
In the oh-so-shocking news of the week, pruning trees and cleaning rain gutters might be dangerous for older men. That is compared with shuffleboard, Yahtzee and bowling. So get Gramps off the ladder and sign him up for ballroom dancing. It’s pleasing for Granny and has the added benefit of improving balance, which will actually prevent future falls.
Teaching girls about eating disorders might actually make them want to have one. Just goes to show that focusing on girls’ bodies – whether negatively or positively – can raise the risks of wacko food feelings. So shut up and talk about how gorgeous their brains are, already. Oh and while you’re at it, wordlessly suggest that your teenage daughters quit the dieting; the crappy eating habits will only lead to more fatness later.
And oh wait, sorry, THIS is the oh-so-shocking news of the week. Hormones are the root cause behind teenage moodiness. At least teenage moodiness in mice.
Disclaimer: Your Health This Week and Inkling magazine would like to remind you that this is a humorous article. We are not suggesting you should check into ultraviolet rehab or teach your grandfather the merengue just yet. It’s a sultry world out there; please keep your Dirty Dancing DVDs under lock and key whenever possible.
