Your Health This (Sinful) Week

This special edition of Your Health This Week is brought to you by the seven deadly sins - and some of the less deadly ones as well.

Wrath can cause breathing troubles. In a study of 4,629 U.S. urban men and women, bad tempers were associated with impaired lung function. Must be the strain of all that huffing and puffing.

Cigarette smoking, the 8th deadly sin, is so very very bad that its evils are actually revisited upon the sons. Smoking damages DNA in sperm cells, meaning mutations are passed along the fatherly line. That’s what I call eternal damnation.

And if those sons pick up the habit by age 14, they are four times more likely to commit suicide by the age of 34. For the record, that’s fixing the 8th deadly sin by breaking the 6th commandment.

Gluttony is bad, sure, but who is to say that half a bottle of wine a day is evil when it can actually help you think sharper than teetotalers? Makes you glad that alcohol never made it onto the infamous list.

Speaking of gluttony, a study of experimental TV watchers found that the more entertaining the show, the more potato chips you’ll eat. And yes, TV is the 9th deadly sin.

Most guns in homes with young children are not properly secured. That’s right, 70% of parents surveyed in Canada, the U.S. and Puerto Rico said their guns weren’t adequately locked up. Do they think that THEIR children aren’t stupid enough to play with firearms? If that ain’t Pride, I don’t know what is. And pride can kill.

Parents lusting after a future in professional sports for their kids may be doing serious harm. The American Association of Pediatrics has issued new warnings aimed to decrease the number of kids burned out by overtraining.

Shark cartilage has been shown to do absolutely nothing to cure lung cancer. Whether this study will cure shark cartilage devotees of the 10th deadly sin - abject stupidity - is left to be seen.

So lustful you end up having sex in your sleep? Sucks to be you, I guess, but at least now the doctors will believe you have a genuine sleep disorder and aren’t just a pervy bastard.

Greedy Washington, D.C., hospitals are more likely to admit white kids from the ER, compared to blacks or hispanics. The difference generally comes from admitting kids who actually don’t need hospitalization, likely due to the combined pressure of overly zealous parents and opportunistic hospital admins.

Oh and sloth is bad. Really bad. Exercise is good. Especially just after dinner.

Disclaimer: Taking Your Health This Week seriously is actually the 143rd deadly sin. You have to read your Old Testament pretty carefully, but it’s in there.  (In the fine print, of course.)